How many of us men look to someone else to make a decision for us because we have no confidence in our own decision making ability?
How many of us spend sleepless nights wondering and worrying about how in the world will we fix this business problem, health issue, or get out of an entangled toxic relationship?
The more we swim in the uncertainty of being unable to just decide and push forward, the more we drown in the sea of dread.
If we’re not mindful of the above, the funk could last years or even decades.
What in the world is going on here?
Part of what’s going could be, we have weak decision making muscles, we’re frozen in fear like when a deer gets caught in headlights, and we’ve lost trust in ourselves to lead.
Let’s go a layer deeper.
Maybe growing up, your mom made lots of the decisions for you and never coached you on how to trust in yourself and you had no father like me, to model. As a result, in the future under stress, you revert to hoping someone else will just make the difficult decisions and lead.
The more we avoid standing up for our life and our successes or doing what’s needed to succeed, the more we regress emotionally into that little boy that just wishes someone would come along and fix things for us. The more this pattern runs, the worse it gets. This is hell.
The Way Out: Tell the truth best you can.
As always, the way out starts with telling the truth about where we are with no judgement, blame or shame. This sounds easy but it’s not and takes some time getting used to.
To get past all the layers of lies, hurt, shame, blame etc., the recommended go-to-tool is my journal. Writing it all out gets me out of my head which is key because if we stay in our head, we are dead.
After I get through all the blame, shame, lies, etc., the truth is uncovered and I accept it. In doing so, it gives me access to a part within that is the leader, the man that owns his results or lack of, and is committed to turning things around or dies on the battlefield in the process.
We’re back to the title of this article now.
To trust is to listen to the deepest part of us that knows what’s best. We must go deep within. Past all the pain, blame, shame, avoidance, etc., and listen.
The deepest voice within, is our guiding force that will never let us down, miss lead us, play small or recommend anything that would not serve us, others or the greater good.
Some may call this voice a feeling in our gut and how many times have we heard, listen to your gut?
This voice within is not afraid of failing, people not liking it, standing up for itself, etc. It’s also perfectly fine with things not being fine until they are.
Some get to this voice by meditating. I used to get to it that way but now I use a journal and and another tool which is patience.
When I have a challenge, the goal is to stay calm, write about it, express any feelings with zero shame, blame or judgment toward Craig.
In my writing, I may shame others or blame them until I can get to what I am responsible for. This is important because it gives my pain a voice even if it’s full of half truths.
Once I’ve expressed the problem, I get to the truth and now I will write-out what my ideal (realistic) outcome could be. After this, I write a few options to get to the outcomes (the more the better).
As I write, my inner voice starts to write and it does so from a place of fearlessness, courage, truth and power. It writes from a place of not just looking out for me but for others and even the greater good.
I’m not a fully integrated man yet and not sure if I ever will be but today, I’m okay with this thought and, am very comfortable in my own skin.
Stay Powerful Kings
And if you’re not feeling powerful yet, you surely can work towards it because that’s what highly evolved, intergraded high-value men, do.